No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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