It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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