You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
