I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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