Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
40s are totally the cure
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
