I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
