K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
honey bunches of taint.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
