ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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