i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
