but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
