Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
