and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
