I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
