Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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