Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
