my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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