and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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