Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize