you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
