I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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