5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
