Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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