i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
