I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
