he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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