Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
