My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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