He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
love makes seman taste better
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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