"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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