the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
