hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
