you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
