i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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