Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
