When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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