dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
