i think my mom watched the whole time
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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