I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
