i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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