Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
