She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
