they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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