This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
