Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Enjoy the penises
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
