im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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