Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
