do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
