so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's blow job season.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
