school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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