Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
