he thought i was a dude.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
