Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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