I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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