YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
