whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
