I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
