Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize