she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
