ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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