I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
