I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize