The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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