here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
