So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
