i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
