Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
