He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
