considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
