so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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