he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
