her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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