For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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