Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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