Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
