well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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