I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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